5 Steps to Success in the Music Industry

Emm and Arse with Gun in MouthBeing a successful musician, with my 13 year old Peugeot spewing oil onto the road outside my overcrowded house which is full of pets I don’t even want and a door mat mountain of bills and final demands, people often ask me what the key to being a mega rich music success is, so I’ve outlined it here.

Become a Music Success in 5 EASY Steps:

  1. Buy instrument, form band.
  2. Record song, argue with band mates.
  3. Release and sell song, split up band because you’re untouchable and they’re just freeloaders on the coat tails of your brilliance.
  4. Get rich, develop unhealthy addiction to narcotics, throw tv out of hotel window.
  5. Die of drug overdose, death by misadventure (usually by hanging yourself in a hotel with a carrier bag over your head) or suicide.

If you don’t complete step 5 then you do not qualify as one of musics greats. Sorry, those are the rules – I don’t make them, everyone else does.

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